It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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