I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
