he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
