How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
