And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
