Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize