I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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