I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
