shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
