his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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