so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
