Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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