I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
