why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
