To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
