I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
