The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
