I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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