My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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