get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
