it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
