This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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