I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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