I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize