laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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