What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
