How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
