Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
