Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize