are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
