He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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