how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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