Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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