Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
