I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize