I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
