i just google imaged poop.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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