i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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