First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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