Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
