That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize