Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize