Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
how does that bad decision feel?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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