Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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