if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
