There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
