I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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