We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
