we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize