I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
