Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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