ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm passing your future prison.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
