what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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