When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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