Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
