Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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