i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Help. Why am I so naked?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
