i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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