Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
