North Korea, Best Korea!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
