Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
