Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
