Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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