I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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