I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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