Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
