Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
