she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
