i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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