we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
