I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Randomize
