Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
