She is in my trunk
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
