____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish you could order shots online.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
