I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
