If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
