Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
