Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
