Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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