i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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