Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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