dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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