"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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