apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
