ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
