so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize