I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
