I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
