I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
