The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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