Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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