PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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